EuroFiles (No.6) – Newdawn Grey and Newday Grey

‘It’s a Newdawn, it’s a Newday …’

For the songsters among you, yes, these two founder-Greys of the Eurocratic Union are indeed leading …

‘… a new life … and fee-eelin’ good’!

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They’re proud of their role in making the Union the sound and solid institution it is – by, for example, insisting that Atlantic pollock are not being caught too small; by reinforcing the ban on old-fashioned pounds and ounces; and by encouraging traders to sell eggs in tens rather than sixes.

Newdawn and Newday are leaders in the daily brainstorm for new regulations. It was Newdawn alone who thought up the idea of straightening cucumbers and bananas, and Newday who suggested that without bends in roads and railways we’d get everywhere much quicker.

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It’s not all plain sailing. Here, during quality control of fruit and veg, Newdawn is shocked by a cucumber which appears to bend in different directions at each end. Hard enough for the Greys to classify – let alone what the poor Eurocratic shopper is supposed to think!

But don’t imagine for one moment that Newdawn and Newday are only concerned with crooked cucumbers. Along with her sidekick Wisecrack Grey, Newdawn leads the way in office naughtiness; and Newday’s roving eye is certainly caught by roving tai chi instructor Finski Feelgood.

After all, Greys are only human … I believe.

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Next week – in the final issue of EuroFiles: The Angel of Mercy – Leader of Germolena and prospective Head of Planet Earth

The Yellow Box – written and directed by Paul Costello

Bookings:  www.themarkettheatre.com

 

Copyright © Paul Costello    August 2017

http://www.paulcostello.me

 

 

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EuroFiles (No.5) – Posh Grey

Posh Grey tries hard not to be posh.

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In the gallery of their Britvik home her seriously posh parents might describe a family portrait as:

“A moffler swirk of grey chooma. Quettex trod nerreh!”

Whereas Posh would merely say:

“An adorable painting rilleh!”

That’s right isn’t it, Posh?

“Oh – rar-therr!”

Posh is great fun. There’s a potty edge to her humour that other Greys find attractive. And she thrives on the frivolity that makes Bristles such a popular place to work. You should see ‘My Learned Posh’  hamming it up in the Greys’ mock courtroom! Equally unmissable, her demonstration of how to ride out a catastrophic earthquake – under an office desk. Ever the showman – or showperson as those pc people on the top floor would have it.

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On a more serious note, Posh is an excellent box shifter. She gets through an enormous amount of document stamping and desktop paper manoeuvres, advanced skills that will surely bring her promotion as a Senior Grey at some point. Isn’t that so, Posh?

“Earce. Omshore fit.”

But it’s not likely to happen in the Bristles branch of basement box shifters. The present Senior Grey (The Senior) is part of the office furniture – not going anywhere in a hurry, like so many Eurocratic Greys. Shame eh, Posh?

“Earce – fecter flafe, ter coiner phrezz.”

Posh Grey – what would life be without you?

(Try making up your own answer)

The Yellow Box original draft poster (2) (282x400)

Next time, in the penultimate issue: Newday Grey and Newdawn Grey – and a shockingly shaped cucumber.

The Yellow Box – written and directed by Paul Costello

Bookings:  www.themarkettheatre.com

Copyright © Paul Costello    August 2017

http://www.paulcostello.me

EuroFiles (No.3) Wisecrack Grey – The Joker in the Pack

You know those people who have to crack a joke every five minutes? Or twist everything you say to try and be funny?

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Wisecrack

Well, Wisecrack Grey is one of them. Irritating, a bit vulgar and idle to boot. And she doesn’t always know when to stop. I mean, there are only so many times you want to hear tai chi referred to as chai tea.

And yet – she is the bright spark every bureaucracy needs to help box shifters through those tedious hours of stamping documents. Some offices have piped music for entertainment; Bristles has Wisecrack.

Her partner in crime is Newdawn Grey. They make a formidable pair.

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Newdawn

If things are quiet, a not infrequent occurrence in the Bristles basement, Newdawn will provoke Wisecrack into some sort of naughtiness. Their party piece is a (sideways) crab-step waltz around the office. Don’t ask! More nutty than naughty! And as ‘head judge’ in the Greys’ mock Eurocratic Court, Wisecrack is a sight to behold. Boy, can she handle a gavel! Yes – while The Senior’s away the Greys certainly play.

Wisecrack is never afraid to challenge The Senior about the values of the Eurocratic Club – such as chucking dead haddock back in the ocean or dreaming up new rules about the thickness of marrow skins. The Senior quietly enjoys Wisecrack’s brazen attitude, and only intervenes to try and show who’s in charge. Even then, when asked why she needs to be quite so sarcastic all the time, Wisecrack simply replies:

‘It’s just another service I offer.’

The Yellow Box original draft poster (2) (282x400)

In the next issue: Senior Grey (‘The Senior’) – Backbone of the Basement

The Yellow Box – written and directed by Paul Costello

Bookings:  www.themarkettheatre.com

Copyright © Paul Costello    August 2017

http://www.paulcostello.me