All around, the audience goes silent as a tender drama unfolds on stage. Shoulders are shaking, tissues handed round. Here are 10 great ways you can liven up those pin-drop moments at the theatre.
- Test the call sounds on your phone.
- Rustle deep in the plastic bag containing all you need on a theatre visit (see below).
- Slowly open a Werther’s Original wrapper (other brands okay), or the tightly sealed top of a packet of digestives.
- Crunch, not suck, the Werther’s or digestives.
- Develop a tickly cough – frog-at-back-of-throat style.
- Pretend to answer your phone, loudly, with: Sorry, the signal’s bad – I’m in the theatre. Hello … hello …
- Very slowly open the top of a well-shaken bottle of Coca Cola. Repeat frequently. For a more instant effect, try a can or two.
- Tell the hard-of-hearing people next to you what’s happening up on stage.
- Play solitaire with a wooden board and marbles. Drop marbles in a metal tin when spent. If you prefer Scrabble, the tin can be used for shaking the letters.
- Deal with any tutting from audience or actors with: Oh, get a life! It’s a free world, isn’t it?
Then, why not review your experience on www.maverickmonsters.com? All reviews will be entered into a random draw, with the winning entry published in the next edition of Trump’s Tasteless Titbits.
Copyright © Paul Costello December 2016